theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
