i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
A+ Viking dick
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
