I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
