i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
