He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
