make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
