Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
