she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
