what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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