i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
