i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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