Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
