what day is it and did you see me today?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
