There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
