It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
