rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize