happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
