the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
