wanna go halves on a baby?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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