u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
