tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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