dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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