Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
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Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
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Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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