singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
