I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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