You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize