I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
