he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
