Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
