i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
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She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
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He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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