my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
