Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
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He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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