chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
