I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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