I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
