Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
