Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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