Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
