I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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