this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
