Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Randomize
