i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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