Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
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we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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