I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
