I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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