I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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