we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
