I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
