She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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