this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
