the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
