I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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