Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
