her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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