god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
