Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
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I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
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she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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