I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
