i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize