Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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