i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
