I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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