therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
