I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
