like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
