Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
