You don't have asthma, your pregnant
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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