Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
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